Another Month

As our wedding day rapidly approaches, I find myself thinking more and more about what our relationship will be like after marriage. Will it change? Couples who have already gotten married are fairly quick to answer yes or no, but I think ours will, if only because I feel a little change in me already. I feel a little calmer and more secure. I read recently from one newlywed that marriage made her feel more independent, which sounds a little strange at first, but it's a feeling I understand.

I feel like so much of my relationship with Aaron has had a measure of anxiety sewn in that came from living far apart from each other. During visits I couldn't help thinking how little time we had together, how we should spend that time, how it was already slipping away, and how long it would be until we saw each other again. I felt pressure to spend every possible moment interacting directly with him - time taken to do other things was time taken away from us.

Now we are both grounded in the same place, and while it has taken longer than I thought it would, I've finally begun to kiss that anxiety goodbye. And I just feel so much better. I feel more secure and more independent - I can do my own things whether or not he's in the house, and so can he. I mowed the lawn, he helped sweep out the barn. He spent the hot afternoon hours studying fonts, I spent them studying Jersey cows. We enjoyed time spent with a friend and we made pizzas together. It was wonderful.

This change has affected other things too. Aaron is so gentle, easy going and patient, where I can be very impatient and therefore a little demanding at times. I used to feel incredibly frustrated because he would take so long to answer a question, and I like quick answers. When I didn't get one, I felt like he wasn't listening or didn't care. But he does listen and he does care, he just likes to mull things over. I'm only beginning to realize the significance of our different communication styles, and I've made special efforts to just take a breath and relax after I pose a question. He always answers. Its just a simple change in my behavior that makes me feel so much better.

I anticipate more changes like this are on the way, and I'm so excited to experience them. This wedding planning business has been fun, but really, I just can't wait to be married.

He said I could get a cow...

Can you see why I'm marrying him?

Did mention that I love cows? They have such a gentle spirit. We went to our little town fair today, and a beautiful Red Angus wrapped its sandpaper tongue around my fingers and tried to bring my hand to its mouth. It let me touch its wet nose and scratch its ears.

A small Jersey or Guernsey is in my near future. But I should probably wait until this wedding business is over...


*photo via the English Guernsey Cattle Society

Some Lace

The dress came back to me at the end of May. It fits. It's pretty. And I get to rock it in four weeks.

Invites are sent, dress is hanging near the bed, suit is being tailored, flowers are planted, hay is (almost) cleared out of the barn, marriage license is tucked safely away, and my room is wonderfully full of thrifted tableware, milk glass vases, ball jars, and little birds.

There is still so much to do, but I can see it all coming together, and that's incredibly exciting. We're getting married!

The Dress

Trying on wedding dresses is something I put off during our engagement - I had this vision of walking in to a salon and being descended upon by aggressive staff and poofy white ballgowns. Therefore, I didn't start my dress search until quite late by wedding industry standards - a mere four months before my wedding.

My dress was important to me. I wanted it to feel personal and I wanted to feel like the best of myself when I was wearing it. I searched for a fabulous vintage dress without much luck. Inspired by brides who made their own beautiful, unique dresses, I visited a fine fabric store in the Cities but could not find a pattern I loved, partly because I didn't know what I wanted - I didn't even know what styles would flatter my figure. So I plucked up my courage and decided to visit a few bridal stores, at the very least to gain a little dress experience.

It was not at all the horrible experience I imagined it would be. We started at David's Bridal, and while they had some pretty dresses in my price range, but when I pulled them on I felt like I was wearing someone else's clothes - it just wasn't me. So we drove on Brides of France in Edina, which sells consignment as well as new wedding dresses. They were kind and helpful, but they also had an incredibly small floor space, a very limited number of preowned dresses, and a collection of new dresses I couldn't afford and which would take 5 months to order.

Mom and I decided to break for the day and visit Brides of France's Uptown location, which had a much larger selection, another day. So we scooted across the street to visit one of our favorite consignment stores in the immediate area and promptly got lost.

I saw the Priscilla of Boston salon as I was calling Aaron to get the address for Fashion Avenue. Thank goodness I had never paid much attention to designers, or I wouldn't have even walked in because I would have known I couldn't have afforded any of their dresses. But I only saw some pretty wedding dresses in the window and thought, oh, let's go see if they'll take us without an appointment.

We quickly found out that their dresses started at a price way above what I could afford, but just as we were turning to leave, one of the consultants stopped us and said they had just finished a sample sale, and they still had quite a few dresses left over if I'd like to try those. They paired me up with the nicest helper in the world, and off they went.

Not only were the dresses gorgeous, but the staff was incredibly friendly and did everything they could to find me a dress I loved. When I kept coming back a beautiful lace tea-length dress by Melissa Sweet that was just too small, they said, well, let's see what we can do. Not only did they manage to zip me into it (a miracle in itself), they also discovered that there was about an inch and a half of extra fabric along the zipper that they could let out. I'm a little embarrassed to say that when they found that I cried a little!

So I have my beautiful dress after my first day of dress shopping. It's beautiful, it's sweet, it feels warm and vintage-y and one of a kind, and it feels like me.

Mom and I later found out that we had stopped one store away from Fashion Avenue when we turned around thinking we were going in the wrong direction, took a right, and walked into Priscilla. Talk about serendipity!

What's Important

It seems funny to me, but lately I've become more and more easy-going about wedding stuff.

I always knew that I wanted a wedding more personal, simple, and laid-back than many today, but I also found myself getting caught up in the details during the first couple months of our engagement. Now I'm increasingly inspired by the simple, meaningful ceremonies of past generations, as well as brides today who are getting married in their homes, backyards, and public parks.

When I'm not being inspired by practical brides today, I'm being inspired by my own lack of finances. I still haven't found full time employment and Aaron's finishing up school, so money is really tight. I don't consider this to have a negative impact on our wedding planning; instead, I see it as an opportunity to pick out and highlight what is really important to us. And long as I marry my best friend by the end of the night, our wedding will be a complete success.

Meg over at A Practical Wedding made an excellent point today: maybe we need to lower our expectations when it comes to wedding stuff. She wrote, "What is important is that your wedding day is really happy, and is the start of a fantastic lifelong partnership. The trick is figuring out what will make us happy, and what is just extra fluff."

Her post reminded me of a passage from Little Women:

There were to be no ceremonious performances, everything was to be as natural and homelike as possible, so when Aunt March arrived, she was scandalized to see the bride come running to welcome and lead her in, to find the bridegroom fastening up a garland that had fallen down, and to catch a glimpse of the paternal minister marching upstairs with a grave countenance and a wine bottle under each arm.
'Upon my word, here's a state of things!" cried the old lady, taking the seat of honor prepared for her, and settling the folds of her lavender moiré with a great rustle. "You oughtn't to be seen till the last minute, child.'
'I'm not a show, Aunty, and no one is coming to stare at me, to criticize my dress, or count the cost of my luncheon. I'm too happy to care what anyone says or thinks, and I'm going to have my little wedding just as I like it. John, dear, here's your hammer.' And away went Meg to help `that man' in his highly improper employment.
Mr. Brooke didn't even say, 'Thank you,' but as he stooped for the unromantic tool, he kissed his little bride behind the folding door, with a look that made Aunt March whisk out her pocket handkerchief with a sudden dew in her sharp old eyes.

For the birds

Dear readers,

This is a post from the fiancé. I think I'll be doing some guest posts due to a lack of affordable high-speed internet for the hills of southeastern Minnesota. I'm on a campus with fast and reliable internet, so the task falls to me.

I'm not skilled at finding hip, cool and fashionable things (clothing at least). So, I mostly have thoughts on potential wedding motifs. I thought of a mod-styled wedding, but I don't want it to be aloof and cold. Things can be simple and crisp but feature timeworn images that my fiancée particularly enjoys: Birds!

I'm not sure how to incorporate this yet. This post may surprise my fiancée too, because I have been fixated on the mod idea. After some Googling, I'm not as sure of that idea. I certainly like grey suits, but maybe not a square tie. We shall see...

The Ring

My beautiful engagement ring arrived after much anticipation. Aaron and I decided to have one made by the wonderful Renee Newton of Powder Mill Studio. We couldn't have been more pleased with the outcome! Renee is truly a wonderful artist and person, and the ring is gorgeous. The band is a white gold casting of a pine branch (perfect for the nature girl that I am) and the little diamond is set in so sweetly.
Renee makes matching wedding bands - I'm doing some serious consideration. The casting is so sweet and organic, and the texture makes the whole ring sparkle. It makes me feel like a little nature goddess.